Allison Holker felt a sense of “resurgence” this year following the tragic death of her husband, Stephen “tWitch” Boss, in December 2022.
After putting her family at the forefront for the past two years, the mother of three, 36, told People she “would embrace” dating again and is ready “to find out who [she is] now.”
“Not even being a mother, not a career mom, not the trauma, not the once wife, but who am I? Just as me and my character — what I believe in, what I stand for,” Holker told the outlet Thursday.
“It’s been a journey for me just to kind of relearn me in this new phase of my life,” she continued. “And I’ve changed a lot.”
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The professional dancer said she has “grown a lot” since her husband died by suicide and is ready to open herself back up to the world — and love.
“I’m just trying to embrace [the growth] and see what my next steps are with [my] career, with [my] choices, and with dating,” she admitted.
Although Holker has “gone through so much,” she is “still a believer in living a big life” and finding ways to “romanticize your life.”
“I still would want to have love, would still want to travel the world,” she explained. “I still want to see and experience new things with new people, new energy, my friends, my family, a loved one — a potential — and my kids.”
She also wants to teach her three kids — Weslie, 16, Maddox, 8 and Zaia, 4 — how to rebuild after tragedy strikes.
“I want them to see that they can still learn to trust and love again,” she said. “It doesn’t have to go away.”
The “So You Think You Can Dance” stars fell in love during Season 7 of the competition series. After three years of dating, Boss popped the question while filming a commercial together.
Following their 2013 nuptials, the pair welcomed their son Maddox in 2016 and daughter Zaia four years later. Boss also adopted Holker’s eldest daughter Weslie from a previous relationship.
However, their world was rocked in late 2022 when the former “Ellen DeGeneres Show” DJ took his own life. He was 40.
In May 2023, Holker sat down for her first TV interview with Hoda Kotb and emotionally recalled explaining the situation to their children.
“It’s honestly something I wouldn’t wish for anybody. It’s really hard,” she said through sobs on the “Today” show. “But if I’ve learned anything, it’s that communication is key.”
Holker said she struggles the most when her kids ask when their dad is coming “back.”
“To us, Daddy’s in the stars,” Holker said. “So we can go outside and talk to him whenever we want. … They just ask, ‘When is Daddy coming back?’ and that’s a really hard one.”
“It’ll be a couple weeks later, ‘But does he come back when he’s older? Like, when Daddy’s older, he’ll come back?’” she said. “But they are still children and still obviously want him here.”
Although Boss died without a will, Holker was granted half of his estate.
If you or someone you know is affected by any of the issues raised in this story, call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.
