The spring of 2019 almost killed Mod Sun. It also saved his life.
After going through a “world-shattering,” “tumultuous,” “very scrutinized” breakup with Bella Thorne that April, the musician tells Page Six in an exclusive interview that he went on a “10-day [drug and alcohol] bender” that ended in near tragedy.
He admits that his downfall was cocaine (an intense, euphoria-producing stimulant of which he was doing “an eight ball every two days”), and he estimates that he slept a total of 12 hours during the bender.
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“It was, like, really pushing it to the limit. And, I mean, it really, really happened where my eyes, like, rolled into the back of my head,” he tells us.
“I felt shame from the first line of cocaine I did. I felt shame. And I became an addict in that exact moment,” he explains. “I knew the first line of cocaine that I did, I was like, ‘This is going to kill me one day. This is going to be the way I go out.'”
Mod — born Derek Ryan Smith — also watched his father “die from alcohol.”
“And he almost died two times before that,” the singer-songwriter says. “And he was told by a doctor, ‘If you drink again, you are going to die.’ And he couldn’t stay strong, and it took his f–king life. And I will never for one second believe that he wanted that.”
When Mod got clean on May 11, 2019, he “didn’t know one sober person” and “had never attended an AA meeting.”
But after getting “a second lease on life,” the 37-year-old went “completely cold turkey” and detoxed on his own.
“I didn’t go to a rehab center. Just within myself, I was like, ‘That is not my legacy. That is not my journey,'” he shares.
Much like how he approaches music, Mod doesn’t play by the “rules” when it comes to his sobriety. He tells us that within “24 hours” of getting clean, he “made the conscious decision” to go out that night … and the night after that … and the night after that … and “every night for the next month.”
The rocker/rapper went to “all the places” he would normally go and hung out with all of the same friends. The only difference is that he sipped on Shirley Temples … until the bars/clubs closed.
“‘I’m going to have more fun than all these people,'” he recalls telling himself. “And that’s the way that I looked at it. And that is why I am able to be five years sober — because I immediately broke down the wall of saying, ‘Being sober means having less fun.'”
Though he now takes better care of his health (he tries to “run three miles every day”), Mod’s cocaine use left him with “a completely deviated septum.” In fact, he says he was “months away from putting a hole in [his] nose.”
He also has “severely affected serotonin levels” and “extreme body dysmorphia” because snorting the powder suppressed his appetite and kept him thin.
Thinking back to his “extremely, extremely hard” split from Thorne, 26, Mod admits it was the “impetus for [him] getting sober.”
“I haven’t seen her in a long time, but if I did see her, I would just be like, ‘I’m so f–king grateful for everything that happened in that time,'” the Minnesota native shares. “‘And, like, I have nothing, nothing but good thoughts in my head about us and what we went through and all that. And I’m so grateful that everything played out the way it did because I am five years sober because of that.'”
When asked how he processes heartbreak sans substances (he and Avril Lavigne ended their engagement in February 2023), Mod says it all boils down to being self-aware and accepting that he has “a disease.”
“I know I can’t be a fan of drugs. … I can’t be a fan of alcohol. I’m going to be a f–king professional. I’m going to be a professional drug addict and a professional alcoholic. … I will keep up with the pros. I’ll be in the gutter in one week, you know?” he explains, making sure to add, “My best friends drink. My best friends do drugs. Like, I’m not sitting here being like, ‘God, I just I’m so disappointed in you.’ I’m like, ‘Good for f–king you! You can be a fan of that s–t.’ And if you do go down the route of, like, ‘I’m a pro at this,’ I’m going to be like, ‘Come on, I’m here for you.'”
