Stephen “tWitch” Boss’ widow, Allison Holker, says the late dancer tried to conceal his mental health struggles leading up to his death.
“No one had any inkling that he was low,” the “So You Think You Can Dance” alum told People Tuesday.
“He didn’t want people to know. He just wanted to be everyone’s Superman and protector.”
Holker added that she herself finds it “really hard” to try and understand “what was happening in that moment [when he died].”
Boss’ official cause of death revealed that he died from a gunshot to the head.
It was later disclosed that the former “Ellen DeGeneres Show” DJ left a suicide note, in which he hinted at some of his past challenges. The exact details have not been released.
Holker also told People that she could allow herself to “go to a really dark place” trying to make sense of all that occurred, but she wants to “choose a different way” for herself and her kids.
The pro dancer shared three kids with Boss: Weslie, 14, Maddox, 7, and Zaia, 3.
“I’m trying to teach them — and myself — that if you’re angry or sad, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person,” Holker added. “We’re coping together, and that requires trust and being really vulnerable.”
Instead of ruminating about the tragedy, the mother of three has chosen to reminisce about the good times she shared with her late spouse.
“Our love was so real and so loud,” Holker said. “We always told people our house was like a choreographed dance.”
She added of Boss, “Stephen brought so much joy to this world, and he deserves to be remembered as the beautiful man he was.”
Holker has also turned her sorrow into a purpose, launching the Move With Kindness Foundation to support mental health initiatives.
“We always hear, ‘Reach out to the strongest people,’ and I believe in that,” the “Dancing With the Stars” alum said before pointing out, “But I also want the messaging to be that if you’re feeling low or depressed, it’s OK to lean on someone else.”
She added, “Trust that people are still going to see you as that light even in your darkest moments.”
Holker said that through her organization she has had many people reach out to her — “specifically men” — that have told her they “didn’t realize how much they were holding on to and not expressing.”
She said she found the outreach “a lot to hold onto” for herself, at first, but then realized she wants “people to feel safe talking to me and to open up and understand that we have to support each other in these moments.”
If you or someone you know is affected by any of the issues raised in this story, call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.
