Madonna recalled losing her mom at 5 years old in an emotional Mother’s Day post Sunday.
The Queen of Pop’s mother, whom she was named after, died of breast cancer in December 1963 at the age of 30.
Madonna began her Instagram carousel with a photo of her performing on her recently wrapped Celebration Tour, looking up at a picture of her late mom on the jumbo screen.
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“I stood on stage [sic] for 81 shows staring up at the beautiful face of my mother and wondering what she must’ve been thinking as she waved goodbye to me from her hospital window,” the singer, 65, captioned the post. “I stepped into the station wagon and shut the door not knowing it was the last time I’d see her.”
Madonna went on, “Nobody told me my mother was dying – I just watched her disintegrate mysteriously and then she disappeared and there was no explanation except that she had gone to sleep which explains My Tumultuous relationship with sleep.”
However, she noted, “Tonight all of my children sleep Under one roof which is Rare and comforting.”
The Grammy winner admitted that she has a “hard time letting go” as her six kids — daughter Lourdes Leon, 27, son Rocco Ritchie, 23, son David Banda, 18, daughter Chifundo “Mercy” James, 18, and twin daughters Stella and Estere Ciccone, 11 — “grow up too fast and spin out in different directions.”
She continued, “When I stepped out on the stage and looked up at my mothers face every night, I said hello I said goodbye. I said Thank you, I hope you’re proud of me. I said Please protect me and keep me sane.”
Among the snaps in her slideshow was one of her on the same stage, staring at an image of David’s biological mom, Malita, on the screen behind her. She said she had “the same thoughts.”
“Was I doing a good job? Is she proud of her Son? Am I the mother she would want me to be??” Madonna wondered.
The superstar — whose kids joined her both on the road and onstage — explained, “I became very close to my children on this tour. We clung to each other. In the long hours we worked and struggled. They helped me manifest my dreams. In the chaos and the storms. The monotony and repetition. The sleepless nights and the endless Packing and unpacking. All the sacrifices We made together. So many hours of Blood Sweat and Tears.”
She said that while she and her brood were “grateful for the privilege of bringing people together with Music,” they also “just wanted to sleep in.”
“Along the way Rocco was painting. Lola was writing songs. David and Mercy graduated high school!” she gushed.
Reflecting on motherhood, Madonna shared that there is “No Easy way into the motherhood game. No manual or University. Just trial and error and learn and succeed and then fail again. Finally the realization that they were raising me and not the other way around.”
She added, “I always laugh with friends and say motherhood = suffering. But it’s not a joke. it’s the truest thing I’ve ever said. But I wouldn’t change it for anything.”
